Wife torture whatsaap jokes

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------
Wife torture :

Wife: Zara Kitchen se Namak lete aana....!
Husband : Yahan toh koi Namak nahi hai..!

Wife : Mujhe pata tha..! Tum toh ho hi Andhe..!
Kaamchor ho..!
ek kam dhang se nahi ker sakte..!
Bas bahaane banaate ho..!
jindagi mey kuch to kam karo...!

Tumhe nahin milega, Isliye pehle hi le aayi thi..!

Husband shocked..!  

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Abhishek bachchan to aradhya: I am ur mom's first love...
Aradhya: lekin google to Bol raha he ki pehle salman uncle tha, uske baad Vivek uncle...
Ash n Abhishek shocked
Aradhya: Idea Internet jab lagaving... India ko no ullo banaoing....no ullo banaoing...

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------
Santa USA mein tha.
1 building mein aag lag gayi.
Santa Fire Brigade se-Tum logo
ko Niche fenko main Catch karunga.
Pehle 1 Ladka aaya phir ladki phir aadmi phir aurat.
Santa ne sab ko pakad liya.
Phir 1 negro aaya to Santa ne chhod diya aur bola:

Abey salo jo jal gye hai wo to mat fenko…!!

Puzzle Messages and jokes.

k
k

LOOK 30 SEC ON X MARK INT THE EYE OF SKULL AND THEN LOOK AT THE WALL OF SHEET OF PAPER

COMMENT IF YOU FINDS A SKULL AND ALSO CHECK BY INCREASING DISTANCE



This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.. Just Check It Out!

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard;
      man
1. ------------
     board


Ans. =man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

      stand
2. ------------
        i


Ans. = I understand

OK . .Got the drift ?Let's try a few now and see how you fare ?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/


Ans. = reading between the lines

      R
4. Road
      A
      D



Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?Redeem yourself.

5. cyclecyclecycle

Ans. = tricycle
Easy to figure out, ha!


          0
6._________
    M.D.Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !


      knee
7. ------------
      light




Ans. = neon light ( knee - on - light )

I'm sure you'll have no problem getting this one.

    ground
8. ----- ----------
feet feet feet feet feet feet




Ans. = six feet underground

Good One, try this!!

9. he's / himself




Ans. = he's by himself

Here's an easy one!!

10. ecnalg




Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ?!!?

11. death ..... life




Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance .

12. THINK





Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is very funny- - -


13. Ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb..

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Long time no C

What is black when you buy it,

Red when you are using it,

And grey when you throw it away?

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Answer is : Charcoal

?A? ki Biwi ?B?,

?B? ki Bhabhi ?C?,

?C? ki beti ?V?,

?V? ka dada ?G?

?G? ki biwi ?K?,

?K? ki beti ?T?,

To batao ?A? or ?T? ka kya rishta ha ???

Answer= Husband nd Wife

Birthday Problem

1 aadami apani har birthday pe ek rupiya jama karata hai jab wo 60vi birthday pe khzana todata hai to us mai 15rupaye hoty hain..Q??

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His birthday comes on 29 Feb.

Life SMS

hhh
Zindagi Main Kuch Khona Pade To Yeh Do Lines Yaad
Rakhna.....!!!!!
"Jo Khoya Hai Us Ka Ghum Nahi!
"Lekin Jo Paaya Hai Wo Kisi Sey Kam Nahi!
Jo Nahi Hai Wo Ek Khawab Hai
Aur
Jo Hai Wo Lajwab Hai........

Ek hi Zamaane k 2 mash-hoor Shaayro ka apna apna Andaaz dekhiye dosto....
Pehle Mirzaa Gaalib:
"Udne de in Parindo ko Azaad fiza main 'Galib'......Jo tere Apne
hongeh wo laut aayenge kisi Roz...!!!"
Shaayar Iqbal reply to Galib~~~
"Na Rakh Umeed-E-Wafa kisi Parinde se 'Iqbal'....
Jab par nikal aatey hain..., to Apne bhi Aashyana bhool jate hai....!!!"

A GOLDEN QUOTE BY RATAN TATA-
I dont believe in taking right decisions..
I take decisions & then make them right.
So always believe in ur ability & efforts..

Never try or beg for support from others..
Stand alone & face d life as a race..
Then everyone will follow u..

Cute, Life quotes, Saying-
Not all fingers r same in length..
But wen they r bend, all stands equal..
Life becomes easy wen we bend & adjust to situation

No one has ever won a game of chess by moving forward alone..
Sometimes u have to move backward to get a better step forward..

Smile increases value of face,
Anger spoils beauty of soul,
Faith is force of life,
Confidence is companion of success,
So keep smiling.

Time is like river..
You can’t touch the same water twice,because the flow that has passed will never pass again..
Enjoy every moment of life..

The best cosmetics in life:
TRUTH: for lips
SYMPATHY: for eyes
PRAYER: Voice
CHARITY: for hands
SMILE: for face &
LOVE: for heart

Somewhere I Heard..
Life is Beautiful..
But Very Soon I Released..
Lots of
Conditions Apply..!!



Someone asked A PHILOSOPHER that..
Who you want to be with for your entire life?
He simply said:
Someone who can understand that I am not perfect.

Life is so confusing..
What we want we dont get..
What we get we r not satisfied..
What we expect never happens and
What we hate generally repeats.
Thats life.

If u wait for happy moments,
u will wait forever.
But if u start believing that u r happy,
u will b happy forever.

Thats life.

Sweat Msg on MAA

Ek  8  Saal  Ke  Bachhe  Ki  Maa

Mar  Jati  HaiN.

Ek Din Uske  Papa  Ne  Poocha

Ki  Beta  Tujhe Apni Nayi  Maa

Aur  Mari  Hui  Maa  MeiN  Kya

Fark  Laga,,,,,,,,???

ToH  WoH  Ladka   Bola  :

"Meri  Nayi  Maa  Sachhi  HaiN

Aur  Mari  Hui  Maa  Jhooti

Thi,,,,,,,!!!! "

YeH  Sunke  Us  Aadmi   Ko

Jhatka  Sa  Laga  Aur  Bola :

" KyuN  Beta……Aisa  KyuN

Lagta  HaiN,,,,,,,,,????  Jisne

Tujhe  Janam  Diya  WoH

Jhooti  Aur  KaL  Aayi  Hui

Maa  Sachhi  Kyu  Lagti

HaiN,,,,,????  "

Ladka Bola,  :

" Jab  MaiN  Masti  Karta  Tha,

Tab Maa Kehti  Thi : "Agar  Tu

Isi  Tarah  Masti  Karega  ToH,

Tujhe Khana NahiN Doongi  "

MaiN  Fir  Bhi  Bahut  Masti

Karta  Rehta  Aur  Mujhe

Poore  Gaon  Se  Dhund  Kar

Laati.  Apne  Paas  Bethakar

Apne  HaathoN  Se,  Khana

Khilati  Thi,,,,,,,,!!! "

Aur  Yeh  Nayi  Maa  Kehti

Hain  Ki  :  "Agar  Tu  Isi  Tarah

Masti  Karega  Toh, Tujhe

Khana  Nahin  Doongi,,,,,,!!! "

AUR

SACH  Mein  Usne  Aaj  Mujhe

Teen  Din  Se  Khana  Nahin

Diya,,,,,,,!!!! "

Must  Share,,,,,,,

MAA  Tab  Bhi  Roti  Thi,

Jab  Beta  Pet  MeiN  Laat

Maarta  Tha,,,,,,

MAA  Tab  Bhi  Roti  Thi,

Jab  Beta  Gir  Jaata  Tha.

MAA  Tab  Bhi  Roti  Thi,

Jab  Beta  Bukhaar  Ya

Sardi  MeiN  Tadapta  Tha.

MAA  Tab  Bhi  Roti  Thi,

Jab  Beta  Khaana  NahiN

Khaata  Tha,,,,,,

Aur,

" MAA  Aaj  Bhi  Roti  HaiN,

Jab  Beta  KHAANA  NahiN

Deta,,,,,,,!!! "

DostoN,,,

Isko  Itna  forward  karo  ki

koi  MAA kabhi  bhuki  Na

Soye.  Aur  Uske  Aankh  Se

Ek  QATRA  Paani  Na  Aaye,,,,,

If  You  Love  Your  Mom

Then  Forward  This.

I  LOVE   MY  MOM.

WoH  bhi  kya  din  the

" MUMMY "  Ki  Godh  Aur

" PAPA "  Ke  Kandhe,,,,,,,,

Na  Paise  Ki   Soch

Na   Life  Ke   Funde,,,,,,

Na  KaL  Ki  Chinta

Na  Future  Ke  Sapne,,,,,,

Ab  KaL  Ki  HaiN  Fikar  Aur

Adhure  HaiN  Sapne,,,,,,

MudH  Kar  Dekha  Toh  Bahut

Door  HaiN  Apne,,,,,,,

Manzilo  ko  dhundte kaha

kho  Gaye  Hum,

Aakhir,  Itne  bade  kyun  Ho

Gaye  Hum,,,,,,,,,!!

Din  Bhar  Kaam  Ke  Baad

PAPA  Poochte  HaiN  Ki,,,,,,

,,,,,,,,Kitna  Kamaya,,,,????

Wife  Poochegi,,,,,,

,,,,,,,Kitna  Bachaya,,,,,,????

Beta  Poochega,,,,,,,

,,,,,,,Kya  Laaya,,,,,,????  LekiN

Maa  Hi   Poochegi  :

"  Beta  Kuch  Khaya,,,,?????  "
                                   Home

jokes on Husbands

Wife : jaanu, kaash aap msg hote,
main aapko save karti, jab chahe padhti.
husband : kanjoos hee rahiyo,
Save hi karke rakhiyo, apni kisi saheli ko forward na kariyo 


Husband : Kaash main Ganpati hota. Tum roz meri pooja karti, mujhe
laddu khilati, bada mazaa aata.
Wife : Haan, kaash tum Ganpati hote. roz tumko laddu khilati, har saal
visarjan karti, naye Ganpati aate, bada maza aata 


Husbands !!
Husbands !!
Husbands !!
If U advise them, they think U r dominating;
If U don't, U r not doing anything!
If they call,they r missing U;
If U call,U r disturbing them!
If they ask U anything,its their right;
If U ask them,U r interfering!
If they care,they luv U;
If U care,U r possessive
So difficult....hats off to all great wives!!!!!
Enough of jokes on ladies. Now its time for some male bashing
(For a change).

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up 


Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit
the ground first? 
A: Who cares??? Just throw them

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!  
 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: Dont know, havnt  seen either 



Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention
of driving 

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? 
A: Exchange him!! 

🍒

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract! 

 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Pass this on to women who need a laugh and to men who can handle it !

Husband calls his wife in the evening n asks....
Husband: Aaj khaane mein kya pakaya hai?
Wife : Fine long grain white rice hand-picked in the emerald green lap
of the Vindhyas and tender golden lentils that was gently simmered
over the smouldering kisses of angels.served with dollops of fragrant
clarified butter
Husband : WOW...SOUNDS YUMMY??
WHAT IS IT CALLED?
Wife : Khichdi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Train me ek Husband apni beautiful wife se jhagda krte huye ..

Tujhse Shaadi karke pachta raha hu , Dil karta hai tujhe kutto ke aage
daal du ..

Saamne wala passenger ..


Bhow , Bhow Bhow , Bhow ..


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What's Marriage?(jokes)

Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans
That Destroys All The Six Senses
And Makes The Person NON Sense..!

😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.

Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.
Husband: Exactly darling!  its a computer, not a Husband..!!



'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
-Shakespear
"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life."
-Shakespear's Wife

Arz kiya hai..
Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge,
wah wah wah
Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..
Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!!

Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni
Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu
Awesome reply :
Husband : Are pagli,,
Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.. !!!

😜😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ?

Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ?

Wife: Can u fix the door handle ?

Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter?

In the evening, when husband came from work,

he saw everything has been fixed.

Husband: Who did all this ?

Wife: Our neighbour.

But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.

Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger.

Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ?!!

Smart kids jokes(god is missing)

A couple had two little boys, aged 8 and 10 who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. 
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked of he would speak with her boys. 
The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. 
So the mother sent her 8-years-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. 
The clergyman. a huge man with a booming voice sat with the younger boy and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" 
The boys' mouth dropped open but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. 
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!?" 
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. 
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and pointed his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" 
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. 
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" 
The younger brother gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble this time brother. God is missing - and they think we did it


Teacher: What is your mother’s name?
Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha,
Bas..
pyar se MAA kehta hu

Nursery ke student ne Exam sheet pe SUSU kar Diya.
Teacher: Ye kya kiya hai?
Student: Mummy ne kaha tha ki Pehle jo aa raha ho wahi karna

Dukandar se Chota Baccha:
Uncle rang gora karne wali Cream hai..
Dukandar: Haan hai..
Baccha: To lagata kyun nahi ,main roz tujhe dekhkar darr jata hu.

Beta- Papa, aap jaise mujhe marte ho, vaise dadaji bhi apko marte the kya?
Papa- Bilkul marte the
Beta- Toh yeh khandani gundagardi kab tak chalegi.



Principal: School ka time 8 baje ka tha or tum 9 baje aa rahe ho?
Little cute Sardar student: Sir tussi na mera intezar na karya karo,
school shuru kar diya karo. 
Laziness rocks:

Boy:mom, pls giv me a glass of water,
mom: u cum & drink.
Boy: pls mom.
Mom: if u repeat, i'll slap u.
Boy: wen u cum to slap me, bring the water.,....

A Cute Sentence Written By A Child On His Maths Book:
"Dear Maths! Please Grow Up & Start Solving Your Problems Yourself..
I Have My own
Mind blowing.......

"KID FAILS IN EXAM"
Father: Aaj Se Mujhe Papa Mat Kehna...!
Son: Oh, come On Dad,
It Was Just A 'School Test'

Not A "DNA" Test...!
                                   Home

Amazing mathematics of life

Amazing mathematics of life

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to;
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ;
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ;
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%

L+O+V+E;
12+15+22+5 = 54%

L+U+C+K ;
12+21+3+11 =
47%



None of them makes 100%.
Then what makes 100% ???
Is it Money?
NO !!! M+O+N+E+Y= 13+15+14+5+25=72%

Leadership?
NO !!! L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P= 12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16=97%

Every problem has a solution,
only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE".

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E ;
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is therefore OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful !!!

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