Thursday 27 February 2014

IIT Bombay funny joke

Why Planning is important?

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
 
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.


So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
 
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
 
See Below for the question Paper
 
Q.1. Your Name........ .........
(2 MARKS)
 
 
 Q.2.. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
 
       a) Front Left          
       b) Front Right
       c) Back Left           
       d) Back Right


 
True story from IIT Bombay ....Batch 1992


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Sunday 23 February 2014

Never underestimate gujrati best joke




Einstein & a Gujarati sitting next to each other on a long flight...


Einstein says:

"Let's play a game...
I will ask you a question,
if you don't know the answer,
you pay me only $5
and
if I don't know the answer,
I will pay you $500..."

Einstein asks the first question:

What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon...?

Gujarati doesn't say a word,

Reaches his pocket,
Pulls out a $5...

Now...

It's the gujaratis turn...

He asks Einstein:

What goes up a hill with 3 legs
and
comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends...

After an hour he gives gujarati $500...

Einstein going nuts and asks:

Well...
so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Gujarati reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5...


Einstein fainted.....



Moral:

You may be Einstein...
But where money is concerned don't take panga with A Gujarati
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Friday 21 February 2014

new santa banta jokes




Santa at petrol pump
Bhai 1rs ka petrol dal do.
Salesman: Bhai itna sara petrol
dalva ke kahan jana hai?
Santa: Jana kahan hai hum
to aise hi paise udaate hain!!




---------------------------

Wife Taaro Ko
  Dekh Kar Boli:
   'Wo Konsi
      Cheez Hai,
        Jo Tum
          Roj Dekh
            Sakte Ho,
              Par Laa
                Nahi Sakte..??

                  Husband::
                    Padosan.!!!
                     
Santa Car ki Battery change karwane gaya.
Mechanic: Sahab, Exide ki Daal doon?
Santa: Nahin yaar,
Dono side ki de warna phir Problem hogi
.
--------------------------

Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan
khujla raha tha
Santa use gaur se dekhte hue bola-
Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka
lagau.
---------------------------

In exam hall a girl to santa:
Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main
likh lungi.
SANTA ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire
se bola:
“The”

---------------------------


Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway station drop krne gaya
tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya!!!......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
😛
Ladke wale: Hamko Ladki Pasand He,
Shadi Kab Karni He ?
Ladki wale : Abhi to Ladki study kar rahi hai,
Ladke wale:Ha to hamara ladka konsa chhota he jo books faad dega.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : "Naari" Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.

Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband :  'Sahan Shakti' 
---------------------------------------
Ladkiwale - Hame aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigrette, Daru na leta ho....
Sirf Boiled Khana khae..... Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......
Pandit - Aisa ladka to apko wo samane wale Leelavati  Hospital ke  ICU  mein  hee milega....

-------------------------

Dukandar- bolo Sahab, kya Chaahiye ?
Aadmi : hone wali Biwi ke Kutte ke liye Cake lene aaya hoon..
milega kya ??
Dukandar : haan.. per yahi Khaaoge  ya  Pack Kar doon ??


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Thursday 20 February 2014

Laloo prasad in Microsoft USA jokes


Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 a post in Microsoft USA.
Few days later he got  this reply
 

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ,
You do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained or welcomed.

Thanks.
Bill Gates.
laloo microsoft

Laloo Prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno,
aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."

Everyone was delighted.
He continued "Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment letter padhkar sunaungaa...
Par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad:
Pyare Laloo prasad -bhaiya

You do not meet: 
aap to milte hi nahin ho 

our requirement:
humko to zarurat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence: 
ab letter vetter bhejne ka kouno zarurat nahin 
No phone call:
phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai  -

shall b entertain or welcome:
bahut khaatir ki jayegi . Acche se aiiye.

Thanks:
aapka bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates:
Tohar Bilva... 

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Wednesday 19 February 2014

अरविन्द केजरीवाल the clever boy jokes




एक बालक जिद पर अड़ गया...
बोला की छिपकली खाऊंगा.
घरवालों ने बहुत समझाया पर नहीं माना !!

हार कर उसके गुरु जी को बुलाया गया।
वे जिद तुड़वाने में महारथी थे..
गुरु के आदेश पर एक छिपकली पकड़वाई गई.
उसे प्लेट में परोस बालक के सामने रख गुरु बोले,
ले खा...
बालक मचल गया..
बोला,
तली हुई खाऊंगा..
गुरु ने छिपकली तलवाई और दहाड़े,
ले अब चुपचाप खा.
बालक फिर गुलाटी मार गया
और बोला,



आधी खाऊंगा..
छिपकली के दो टुकड़े किये गये.. बालक गुरु से बोला,
पहले आप खाओ.
गुरु ने आंख नाक भींच कर किसी तरह आधी छिपकली निगली...
गुरु के छिपकली निगलते ही बालक दहाड़ मार कर रोने लगा की आप तो वो टुकड़ा खा गये जो मैंने खाना था.. गुरु ने धोती सम्भाली और वहां से भाग निकले की अब जरा भी यहां रुका तो ये दुष्ट दूसरा टुकड़ा भी खिला कर मानेगा...

करना-धरना कुछ नहीं,
नौटंकी दुनिया भर की...

बालक का नाम--अरविन्द केजरीवाल

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Tuesday 18 February 2014

BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE FORM:




BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE FORM:
 📋

DRAIVING LAICENSE
APPLIKASON PHARM:

Note: Please do nat soot the person at the applikason kounter. He bill gib you license..


For phurthar instruction,
see botom pharm.



(Please check karrect opson.)

1. Last Name:
◻ Sinha
◻ Pandey
◻ Misra
◻ Yadav
◻ Dont knowing

2. Phirst Name:
◻ Ramprasad
◻ Lallan
◻ Sivprasad
◻ Jamnaprasad
◻ Dont knowing

3. Age:
◻ Less than phipty
◻ Greater than phipty
◻ Dont knowing

4. Sex:
◻ M
◻ F
◻ Nat Sure
◻ Nat Applicabul

5. Chappal Size:
Lepht: ◻     Right: ◻

6. Occupasun:
◻ Palitisan
◻ Dhoodhwaala
◻ Pehelwan
◻ Hause Waife
◻ Nat know
◻ Unemployed

7. Number af children
in Hause:
◻ 5
◻ 10
◻ more than 10

8. Number of childrens that is yours: ◻

9. Maadar Name:

10. Phather Name (If not know, leave blank)

11. Ejjucashun : 1 2 3 4 (Circle () on highest grade)

12. Dental rekard: 😬
(_) Ellow
(_) Berownish-ellow
(_) Berown
(_) Belack
(_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson : ____________________________ (** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression .)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.

Read more latest jokes 



Sunday 16 February 2014

Indian Premier League 3 April to 26 May Scheduled and Teams


Kolkata Knight Riders


Jacques Kallis

Robin Uthappa
Yusuf Pathan
Shakib Al Hasan
Morne Morkel
Ranganath Vinay Kumar
Umesh Yadav
Piyush Chawla
Gautam Gambhir
Sunil Narine
Sunrisers Hyderabad


David Warner


 Amit Mishra
 Bhuvneshwar Kumar
 Aaron Finch
Darren Sammy
Ishant Sharma
Irfan Pathan
Moises Henriques
Venugopal Rao
Brendon Taylor
Jason Holder
Shikhar Dhawan
Dale Steyn



Royal Challengers Bangalore


Yuvraj Singh
 Mitchell Starc
 Albie Morkel
 Varun Aaron
 Ashok Dinda
 Parthiv Patel
 Muttiah Muralitharan
 Ravi Rampaul
 Nic Maddinson
 Virat Kohli
Chris Gayle
AB de Villiers



Rajasthan Royals


Steven Smith
 Brad Hodge
 Abhishek Nayar
 Tim Southee
 Ben Cuttings
 Shane Watson
James Faulkner
Sanju Samson
Ajinkya Rahane
Stuart Binny



Mumbai Indians


Michael Hussey
 Corey Anderson
 Pragyan Ojha
 Zaheer Khan
 Josh Hazlewood
 Rohit Sharma
Lasith Malinga
Kieron Pollard
Harbhajan Singh
Ambati Rayudu


Kings XI Punjab


 Mitchell Johnson
 Glenn Maxwell
 George Bailey
 Virender Sehwag
 Wriddhiman Saha
Shaun Marsh
 Cheteshwar Pujara
 L Balaji
 Thisara Perera
 Parvinder Awana
 David Miller
Manan Vohra



 Delhi Daredevils


Dinesh Karthik
Kevin Pietersen
Murali Vijay
Mohammad Shami
Nathan Coulter-Nile
Quinton De Kock
Manoj Tiwary
Jaydev Unadkat
Jean-Paul Duminy
Rahul Sharma
Laxmi Ratan Shukla
James Neesham



Chennai Super Kings


MS Dhoni
Suresh Raina
R Ashwin
Ravindra Jadeja
Dwayne Bravo
Faf Du Plessis
Dwayne Smith
Brendon McCullum
Ashish Nehra
Mohit Sharma
Samuel Badree






13/4   MUM - PUNE 4:00PM
13/4   CSK - RCB 8:00PM
14/4   KKR - HYD 4:00PM
14/4   RAJ - PNJB 8:00PM
15/4   CSK - PUNE 8:00PM
16/4   PNJB - KKR 4:00PM
16/4   RCB - DEL 8:00PM
17/4   PUNE - HYD 4:00PM
17/4    RAH - MUM 8:00PM
18/4    DEL - CSK 8:00PM
19/4   HYD - PNJB 8;00PM
20/4    KKR - CSK 4:00PM
20/4    RCB - RAJ 8:00PM
21/4   DEL - MUM 4:00PM
21/4   PNJB - PUNE 8:00PM
22/4    CSK - RAJ 8:00PM
23/4    RCB - PUNE 4:00PM
23/4   PNJB - DEL 8:00PM
24/4   KKR - MUM 8:00PM
25/4   CSK - HYD 8:00PM
26/4   KKR - PNJB 8:00OM
27/4   RAJ - HYD 4:00PM
27/4   MUM - RCB 8:00PM
28/4   CSK - KKR 4:00PM
28/4   DEL - PUNE 8:00PM
29/4   RAJ - RCB 4:00PM
29/4   MUM - PNJB 8:00PM
30/4   PUNE - CSK 8:00PM




1/5     HYD - MUM 4:00PM

1/5     DEL - KKR 8:00PM
2/5     CSK - PNJB 4:00PM
2/5     PUNE - RCB 8:00PM
3/5     KKR - RAJ 8:00PM
4/5     HYD - DEL 4:00PM
4/5    RCB - PNJB 8:00PM
5/5     MUM - CSK 4:00PM
5/5     RAJ -PUNE 8:00PM
6/5    RCB - HYD 8:00PM
7/5    RAJ - DEL 4:00PM
7/5    MUM - KKR 8:00PM
8/5    HYD - CSK 8:00PM
9/5     PNJB - RAJ 4:00PM
9/5     PUNE - KKR 8:00PM
10/5    DEL - RCB 8:00PM
11/5    PUNE - MUM 4:00PM
11/5    PNJB - HYD 8:00PM
12/5    KKR - RCB 4:00PM
12/5    RAJ - CSK 8:00PM
13/5    DEL - PNJB 4:00PM
13/5    MUM - HYD 8:00PM
14/5    KKR - PUNE 8:00PM
15/5    MUM - RAJ 8:00PM
16/5    CSK - DEL 4:00PM
16/5     PNJB - RCB 8:00PM
17/5    HYD - RAJ 8:00PM
18/5    PNJB - MUM 4:00PM
18/5    PUNE - DEL 8:00PM
19/5    RCB - CSK 8:00
21/5    QF 1(1st - 2nd) 8:00pm
22/5    elm (3rd -4th)
24/5    qf2 8:00pm
26/5    IPL FINAL 8:00PM


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