A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
The Dictionary: What hi-tech salespeople say and what they mean by it:
1. New: Different color from previous design.
2. All New: Parts not interchangeable with previous design.
3. Designed Simplicity: Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.
4. Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.
5. Foolproof Operation: No provision for adjustments.
6. Advanced Design: The advertising agency does not understand it.
7. Field-tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
8. Direct Sales Only: Factory had big argument with distributor.
9. Years of Development: We finally got one that works.
10. Revolutionary: It's different from our competitors.
11. Breakthrough: We finally figured out a way to sell it.
12. Improved: Did not work the first time.
13. Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.
14. Distinctive: A different shape and color than the others.
15. Redesigned: Previous faults corrected, we hope.
16. Handcrafted: Assembly machines operated without gloves on.
17. Performance Proven: Will operate through the warranty period.
18. Meets all Standards: Ours - not yours.
19. Broadcast Quality: Gives a picture and produces noise.
20. High Reliability: We made it work long enough to ship it.
21. New Generation: Old design failed; maybe this one will work.
22. Unprecedented Performance: Nothing we ever had before worked this way.
23. Built to Precision Tolerances: We finally got it to fit together.
24. Microprocessor Controlled: Does things we can't explain.
"Is your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. "Yeah, shes home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but this isnt where I live.
A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesmans company and related the tragedy to the sales manager.The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders."