Sunday, 19 January 2014

Best Alok Nath jokes



1.“Mujhe Betiyon Ke Babuji Ban’na Hey” - Alok Nath
when teacher asked him what he wanted to be
when he grew up.
2. According to ‘Hindu Marriage Act’, a girl cannot
marry if Alok Nath disapproves.
3. After Kalyug, It’s going to be ‘Alok-Nath-Yug’.
4. Alok Nath believes in ‘Aashirwad at first sight’.
5. Alok Nath believes the ‘F’ in FTV stands for Family.

6. Alok Nath calls Sunny Leone as ‘Sunny Beti’.
7. Alok Nath can destroy his trolls just by sprinkling
few drops of water from his Kamandal and saying
“Jaa Main Tujh Hen Shrap Deta Hun”.
8. Alok Nath carried Hanuman-Chalisa to school
instead of notebooks.
9. Alok Nath collected all his savings and tried to
purchase Rajesh Khanna’s bungalow as it is named
‘Aashirwad’.
10. Alok Nath does not sign a movie till there are at
least three crying scenes.


11. Alok Nath eats Prasad as starters.
12. Alok Nath favorite game is football. It is because of
players like Kaka, Mata and Nani.
13. Alok Nath gave Dacoit Valmiki such a deep and
massive lecture on Sanskaar that he became
religious person.
14. Alok Nath goes to KFC to eat his favorite ‘Gaajar ka
Halwa’.
15. Alok Nath had all the Senior Citizen privileges since
he was 6 years old.

16. Alok Nath has just completed level 66 on ‘Barfi
Crush’.
17. Alok Nath has never received salary, he always
received pension.
18. Alok Nath has requested for ‘Saubhagyavati Raho’
button on Facebook.
19. Alok Nath has requested for an ‘Aashirwad’ button
to Twitter.
20. Alok Nath has zero friends because he always turns
‘Dosti into Rishtedaari’.

21. Alok Nath is ‘Babuji-Zoned’ at first sight.
22. Alok Nath is father of so many betaas and betis
that when his family decides to go on a vacation,
they book a train!
23. Alok Nath is now a worried man, Obama's daughter
is getting marriageable.
24. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he bought a new
phone and broke coconut on it.
25. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he buys the
newspaper just to read the matrimonial.

26. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he closes his eyes
when he takes a bath.
27. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he cuts ‘Mathura Ke
Pede’ on his birthday.
28. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he distributes
'Prasad' after crossing each level in Temple Run.
29. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he removes his
slippers before playing Temple Run.
30. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he was born at the
age of 65.

31. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that he whips himself
with leather belt if he sees his own body above
knees.
32. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that when he heard the
song ‘Gandi Baat’, he put ‘Gangajal’ in his ears.
33. Alok Nath is so sanskaari that when he walks into
a bar, the bar walks out.
34. Alok Nath is someone who is worried about
‘Kanyadaan’ of a girl who is yet to be born.
35. Alok Nath is such a personality that at times his
wife calls him ‘Bhaisaab’.

36. Alok Nath is the original ‘Father of the Nation’.
37. Alok Nath is the SI unit of ‘Sanskar’.
38. Alok Nath Ne Ekk Baar Toot'te Taare Ko Dekh Keh
Beti Ki Bidae Maang Li.
39. Alok Nath Ne Janam Lete Hi Nurse Ka Kanyadaan
Kar Diya Tha.
40. Alok Nath Ne Sirf Ek Ashlil Movie Dekhi Hey:
‘Dropadi Ka Cheer Haran’.

41. Alok Nath once blessed wheat farms and now we
have ‘Aashirwaad-Atta’.
42. Alok Nath once said “Jeete Raho” to a man and
today he is known as ‘MDH wale Dadaji’.
43. Alok Nath only saw this season of Big Boss, Kyun
Ki ‘Big Boss Saath 7 Hey’.
44. Alok Nath serves ‘Gangajal’ in cocktail parties.
45. Alok Nath smokes ‘Agarbattis’.

46. Alok Nath snorts Agarbattis at rave parties.
47. Alok Nath strongly disapproves of Mukesh Ambani.
Because his Sanskar met with an accident.
48. Alok Nath used to bunk school for Ram Katha.
49. Alok Nath walks into a bar and orders ‘Haldi Ka
Doodh’.
50. Alok Nath walks slowly, because of song ‘Babuji
Zara Dheere Chalo’.

51. Alok Nath wants an “Aashirwad” button on Twitter!
52. Alok Nath was the first person to call ‘Parle’ as
‘Parle-G’.
53. Alok Nath was wanted to be Kenya’s “Father of the
Nation”. So that he could do ‘Kenya-daan’.
54. Alok Nath watches Fast and Furious movies
wearing a seat belt.
55. Alok Nath went to Shirdi for his honeymoon.

56. Alok Nath went to Sunburn Music Festival and did
a ‘Surya-Namaskar’ over there.
57. Alok Nath went to ‘Vaishno Devi’ for his Bachelor's
party before marriage.
58. Alok Nath will do item number dance only if it’s
‘Bhakti-Sangeet’.
59. Alok Nath won the ‘STAR Parivaar Award’ for
Favorite Pita Bread.
60. Alok Nath: “You know nothing of ‘friend-zone’. I am

‘Babuji-zoned’.”

61. Alok Nath: a silent guardian, a watchful father, our
‘Kanyadaan’ expert.
62. Alok Nath’s caller tune is “Babul Ki Duaayen Leti
Ja”.
63. Alok Nath’s CV reads: Degree - MBA in Kanyadaan.
Skills - Sanskaar. Experience - done total 1109673
Kanyadaan. Hobby - Giving Aashirwaad.
64. Alok Nath’s idea of a music concert is a ‘Mata Ka
Jagrata’.
65. Alok Nath’s talk show would be called “Aashirwad
with Alok”.

66. Alok Nath’s watch displays only ‘Achha’ and ‘Bura’
samay.
67. Alok Nath’s WhatsApp shows: “Last seen doing
Kanyadaan at..”
68. Alok Nath’s wildest fantasies involve a harmonium
and Reema Lagoo.
69. Angry Birds became 'Sansakari Birds' in Alok
Nath’s smartphone.
70. Anoop Jalota is Alok Nath’s Yo Yo Honey Singh.

71. Arun Govil grew old and became Alok Nath.
72. 'Babuji Zara Dheere Chalo' song was written when
Alok Nath was young.
73. Breaking News: All the conspiracy behind Alok Nath
has been revealed. It was Rajnikant who started all
this to divert peoples mind from his jokes.
74. Buddha and Ashoka wanted to live a lavish and
lustful life, but then they met Alok Nath.
75. Even Emran Hashmi can’t kiss Alok Nath daughters
because of their Sanskar.
76. Even when Alok Nath clicks his Selfie, he makes
sure that his 52 family members, 3 servants,
Krishan ji ki murti and 2 dogs.
77. Every Christmas, Alok Nath fills stockings with
Aashirwad.
78. For Alok Nath, ‘Ram Chahe Leela Chahe Leela
Chahe Ram’ is a bhajan.
79. Future Breaking News: Tour operators to launch
‘Alok Nath Yatra’ to clean all your sins.
80. Gandhi Ji used to call mahatma to Alok Nath.
81. Gods take blessings from Alok Nath.
82. If Alok Nath goes in Bigg Boss then every morning
will start with a Hanuman Chalisa and aarti of Mata
Rani.
83. If Chuck Norris & Rajnikanth make love to Nirupa
Roy at the same time & if they have a baby boy,
that boy will grow old to become Alok Nath.
84. In school days, Alok Nath bunked a lecture to
attend his daughter’s wedding.
85. Jab Babuji Alok Nath Hon, Toh Emraan Hashmi Bhi
Sanskari Hon Jata Hey.
86. Kalyug was started when Alok Nath did a negative
role in 'Bol Radha Bol'.
87. Koi Ladki Unh Sehn Chhu Naa Jaye Ess Liye, Alok
Nath Ji Ne Aaj Tak Touch Screen Phone Nahi Liya.
88. Number of Kanyadaan done by Alok Nath is still
higher than the number of days attended by an
article in his article ship.
89. Once Alok Nath bought a new MacBook laptop and
broke coconut on it.
90. Once Alok Nath gave aashirwad to a boy. Today we
know that boy as Arvind Kejriwal.
91. Once Rajnikanth opened Ramayana and Alok Nath
was born.
92. Poonam Pandey should thank her stars that Alok
Nath didn’t give her Sanskars, else her life would've
been hopeless and she would've been jobless.
93. Question: Alok Nath’s favorite song? Answer: ‘Oppa
Samdhan Style!’
94. Question: How would Alok Nath howl if he was a
Werewolf? Answer: ‘Bahuuuuu...’
95. Question: What will Alok Nath ride if he stars in
Dhoom 3? Answer: Bullock cart.
96. Question: Which car does Alok Nath drive? Answer:
Sanskar
97. Rahul Dravid was Alok Nath of Indian Cricket team.
98. Rohit Sharma and Dale Steyn should watch some
Alok Nath movies and learn Sanskar.
99. Salman Khan is still Virgin because of Sanskar
given by Alok Nath in ‘Maine Pyaar Kiya’.
100. The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life
are ‘Haridwar’ and ‘Pariwar’.
101. This New Year eve, Alok Nath is going to drink
'Charnamrat' on the rocks.
102. When a girl goes down on Alok Nath, he gives her
aashirwad.
103. When Alok Nath caught a thief, he took him to
'Mata Ki Chowkie' instead of police chowkie!
104. When Alok Nath decides to get modern he wears
‘dhotis with zips’.
105. When Alok Nath is around Even Salman Khan
behaves like a good son.
106. When Alok Nath parties, it means tea party.
107. When Alok Nath plays temple run, he runs
TOWARDS the temple.
108. When Alok Nath was born doctor said, “Badhaai
Hon, Babuji Huye Hey”.
109. When Alok Nath was born, Doctor gave him to his
father and said, "Mubarak Hon, Betiyon Ka Baap
Huwa Hai".
110. When you type Alok Nath on Google search, “I’m
feeling Lucky” changes to “I’m feeling Sanskari”.



Aarti All Night - Alok Nath Version

Aaj mandira khullan do Kanyadaan Hullan do nariyal ko fod faad ke dukh
ashanti bhullan do... Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.

Sunlo saari duniya walo jitna bhi tum jor lagalo karenge aarti saari
raat hath me dum hai to ghanti bajalo.. Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti
all night..

Aaj mandira khullan do Kanyadaan Hullan do nariyal ko fod faad ke dukh
ashanti bhullan do... Bajate Raho..Ghantiiiii Bajate Raho... ghnatiii
bajate rahooo  Aarti all night.. We Do Aarti all night.. [x2]

Jisne Bhi aarti hai karni aajao mandir ke bheetar, Nariyal fool lekar
khane ko laga hai langar... Noida gurgaon delhi ki betiyaan aayi hai
sath me bhole ki CDiyaan bhi laayi hai Pujari Prasad ke khud jimedaar
hai karlo aarti saari raat Kal itwar hai..

Ghanti Bajegi Loud To beti Police bula legi Us beti se jaake kehdo Ye
aarti Yun hi chalegi Aarti all nightWe Do Aarti all night..

beti Police bula legi beti Police bula legi Fir bhi aarti Yun hi chalegi

Khulla mandir Guru Dwara har beti bole ghar nahi jana Babuji ko tu
karde msg aaja beti karke bahana Aarti Hori bahot bhayankar Aarti ke
gajab najare Jee karta hai bas ek baar hi Kardu mai Kanyadan tumhare..
Ek kunwari beti ne yun ghnati baja rahi hai ek hath se baj nahi
rahi,do do baja rahi hai Naache dekho kaisi...Mehfil macha rakhi hai
Itti si tu hai nahi..hein? Sanskaar bhula rahi hai... Aarti all
night.. We Do Aarti all night.


SANSKAR Dance (Alok Nath Version)

Sanskaron Ko Dimag Me Bithake, Alok Nath Ke Jaisa Tilak Lagake
Prasad Me Nariyal Milake.. Aa Jaao Saare Mood Banake...

All The Alok Nath Fans- Aashirvaad
Don't Miss The Chance- Aashirvaad
All The Alok Nath Fans- Aashirvaad
Don't Miss The Chance- Do This!!

SANSKAR Dance... SANSKAR Dance..

Satsang Me Jab Ye Gaana Bajega, Sanskaro Me Aana Padega,
Ghanti Ko Bajana Padega, Charan Sparsh Karke Dikhana Padega...

Ladki Waalo Ki Taraf Se Aaya Main Toh, Mujhko Rokega Kaun Aur Kaiko

Saari Betiyon Ka Kanyadaan Karunga.. Kisi Ke Daddy Se Nahi Darunga,

Jisko Jo Bhi Hai Wo Karna Wo Kar Lo, Idhar Hi Hoon Main Khada Pakad Lo
Ghar Pe Jaake Tum Google Kar Lo, Mere Sanskaro Ko Wikipedia Pe Padh
Lo..

All The Alok Nath Fans- Aashirvaad
Don't Miss The Chance- Aashirvaad
All The Alok Nath Fans- Aashirvaad
Don't Miss The Chance- Do This!!


SANSKAR Dance... SANSKAR Dance

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