Tuesday 29 April 2014

Corporate lesson - WhatsApp joke



Corporate lesson :Jack and Max are walking to the church for the Sunday prayer.



Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I smoke while I pray?”

The Priest replies, “No, my son, you may not! That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”



And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to.”

Moral of the story: The approval you want depends on the way u ask for it!!
Dedicated to all the corporates professionals !!






Friday 25 April 2014

Wife torture whatsaap jokes

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------
Wife torture :

Wife: Zara Kitchen se Namak lete aana....!
Husband : Yahan toh koi Namak nahi hai..!

Wife : Mujhe pata tha..! Tum toh ho hi Andhe..!
Kaamchor ho..!
ek kam dhang se nahi ker sakte..!
Bas bahaane banaate ho..!
jindagi mey kuch to kam karo...!

Tumhe nahin milega, Isliye pehle hi le aayi thi..!

Husband shocked..!  

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Abhishek bachchan to aradhya: I am ur mom's first love...
Aradhya: lekin google to Bol raha he ki pehle salman uncle tha, uske baad Vivek uncle...
Ash n Abhishek shocked
Aradhya: Idea Internet jab lagaving... India ko no ullo banaoing....no ullo banaoing...



------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------
Santa USA mein tha.
1 building mein aag lag gayi.
Santa Fire Brigade se-Tum logo
ko Niche fenko main Catch karunga.
Pehle 1 Ladka aaya phir ladki phir aadmi phir aurat.
Santa ne sab ko pakad liya.
Phir 1 negro aaya to Santa ne chhod diya aur bola:

Abey salo jo jal gye hai wo to mat fenko…!!

QUALITYS OF A GOOD GROUP ADMN

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

QUALITYS OF A GOOD GROUP ADMN...

1 group ki ekta banaye rakhna...

2 group ke active members ka hosla badhana.

3 Soye hue members ko jagana...

4 Members ke birthday pe unke ghar pe cake aur ice cream bhejna...

5 weekends me khud ki taraf se party ka aayojan karna...

6 agar kisi ka mobile kharab ho jaye to use jald se jald  iphone apni tarafse gift karna

7 saal me ek martaba apni tarafse foreign ki trip ka ayojan kkarna

8 group nembers ko 3g internet package gift karna

Aisa hota he ek achcha group admn...

JAGO ADMIN JAGO

Some best Irony whatsApp




------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

  
1. CHURCH has 6 letters so does MOSQUE / TEMPLE.


2. BIBLE has 5 letters so does QURAN / GEETA



 3. LIFE has 4 letters so does DEAD.



4. HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE.



5. ENEMIES has 7 letters, so does FRIENDS.



6. LYING has 5 letters, so does TRUTH.



7. HURT has 4 letters, so does HEAL.



8. NEGATIVE has 8 letters, so does POSITIVE.



 9. FAILURE has 7 letters, so does SUCCESS.



10. BELOW has 5 letters, but so does ABOVE.



11. CRY has 3 letters so does JOY.


12. ANGER has 5 letters,so does HAPPY.


13. RIGHT has 5 letters,so does WRONG.


 14. RICH has 4 letters,so does POOR.


15. FAIL has 4 letters,so does PASS .


16. KNOWLEDGE has 9 letters,so does IGNORANCE .


Are they all by Coincidence ?                                     LIFE is like a Double-Edged Sword. WE should always Choose right & Better side of Life!!!  .


Latest IPL Advertisement:

"Please enjoy the matches..






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.


Fixed toh aapki Shadi bhi thi".😆





Shaadi-shuda Aurto ka seminar chal raha tha.

Unse puchha gaya,


Aapne apne Husband

ko
 ‘I Love You’
last kab bola hai?

Kisi ne kaha aaj,

kisi ne kaha 2 din pehle
Aur
Kisi ne kaha 10 din pehle.

Fir unse kaha gaya k sab  Patniya apne pati ko Mobile se

‘I Love You’  Message karo abhi,
Jiska sabse accha reply aayega usay
Surprise Gift
Milega…

Sab wives ne ‘I Love You’ msg kar diya aur

.
Kuchh der baad Husbands k Reply kuchh iss tarah aaye…

1) Darling, tumhari tabiyat to theek hai na?


2) Ghar kharcha khatam ho gaya hai kya ???


3) Kahin tum Maiyke to nahin chali gayi ???


4) Aaj ghar pe khana nahin bana hai kya ???


5) Kya Matlab ???


6) Tum Sapne mein ho ya main sapna dekh raha hoon?


7) Kity party mein kisi ki Jewellery pasand aa gayi hai kya???


8) Office mein itna tension hai aur tujhe Romance sujh raha hai ???


9) Kitni baar mana kiya Serial mat dekha kar..!!


10) Aaj fir gaadi thok-ke aayi kya????


Finally jisko  Surprise Gift

Mila uska khatarnak reply ye tha....
.
. . .
11) Kaun ???


Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi Whatsapp jokes

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

JANTA MAAF NAHI KAREGI 
 Collection :---

1.Whatsapp par 2 KM lambey message bhejne waalon
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi.


2. John Abraham ko comedy film me cast karne walo
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi


                   
3. Har hafte Adobe update nikalne wale logon,
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

4. Good Morning ko Guuddd morningggg..!!! likhne waalon
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

5. Chilar ki Jagah , Eclairs dene waalo,
#‎ Janta Maaf Nhi Karegi

6. Har Movie Se Pehle Gutka Mukesh ki Ad Dikhane Waalo,
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

7. Ladko Ki Reply Par Hmmm.. Likhne Wali Ladkiyan,
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

8. "I LOVE YOU but as a friend" kehne wali ladkiyon
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

9. Har hafte Set Max par Sooryavansham dikhane walo,
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

10. Sunny Leone ko sari pehnane walon..
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

11. Android per BBM use karne walo
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

12.  21 ball me 11 run banake world cup harvane walo
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi

13. Har msg mein "Abki baar Modi sarkar" ka joke marney waalon...
# Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi


Santa Fauji whatsapp joke

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Petrol pump se 21 Km door 1 Fauji k truck ka petrol khatam ho gaya.

2nd seat par Major baitha tha.
Santa  driver ne Major ko bataya
k Sir Petrol pump tak dhakka lagana padega.

Sub neeche utre aur dhakka lagana shuru kia. Kaafi der baad petrol pump par pahunch gaye.
Kucch jawan thak
k behosh ho gaye.

Santa ne petrol dalwana shuru kia
to Major ne kaha
k peechhe jo drum hai usmein bhi dalwa lo.

Santa : Sir,
Wo to full hai....
Emergency k liye rakha hua hai.

Maarwadi and gujrati jokes

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

एक बार एक मारवाड़ी भाई ट्रेन से सफर कर रहा था। जल्दी में
टिकट नहीं ले पाया और ट्रेन आ गई थी। उसे
पता नहीं क्या सूझाकि उसने प्लैटफॉर्म पर पड़ाएक
पुराना टिकट उठा लिया औरउसे पानी में डुबोकर जेब
में आराम से रख लिया।
ट्रेन चल पड़ी और आधे घंटे बाद जब टीटी के आने
की हलचलसुनाई पड़ी तो उसने टिकट निकालकर हाथ
में ले लिया।
उसने जेब से 2 पेन निकाल करदोनों हाथों में एक-एक
पेन लेकर टिकट को पेन से पकड़ा (हाथों से दूर
रखा)।
टीटी: टिकट, टिकट दिखाओ अपना...
मारवाड़ी भाई ने वैसे ही पेन से पकड़कर टीटी को दूर से
ही टिकट दिखाने लगा। टीटी को बड़ा अजीब लगा।
टीटी (गुस्से से): ये क्या बेहूदा हरकत है, हाथ से
क्यों नही दिखाते ?
मारवाड़ी भाई :कैसे छुएं इसे... टॉयलेट में गिर गया था।
टीटी: दूर रखो इसे, न जाने कहां-कहां से आ जाते
हैं....


THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF MEN

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------


THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF MEN..

1. THE EUROPEANS
they have 1 wife and 1 girlfrnd but they love their wife most .

2 THE AMERICANS
They have 1 wife and 1 girlfrnd but they love their girlfrnd the most..

3. THE INDIANS
They have 1 wife and 4 girlfrnds but they love their mother the most..
😜😜😜
Jai mata di....
     
And the special one. --    
 THE ARABS
They have 4 wives and 1 girlfrnd. But they love their camel the most!! Vallaah Habibi!!.....😜😜

Names get meaning whatsapp joke



------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Pankaj fell in love
Pankaj married
Pankaj divorced
Pankaj udaas

Sonia was walking.
Sonia slipped.
Sonia fell into the drain.
Sonia Gandhi 

Sameera went to a parlor
Sameera did her hair
Sameera did her makeup
Sameera Reddy

Kangana hit the ball
Kangana took a single
Kangana did not reach the crease
Kangana Ranaut.

Hrithik buys bulb
Hrithik puts bulb in socket
Hrithik switches bulb on
hrithik roshan




Lance arms weak.
Lance joins gym.
Lance does chin-ups.
Lance Armstrong
😆

Poonam puts Chuna
Poonam puts Kathha
Poonam puts Gulkand
Poonam puts supari
Poonam Pandey


Anil menbatti
Anil agarbatti
Anil dhoop
Anil kapoor

Umar walking on the road
Umar got kidnapped
Umar not found by family
Umar gul

Minisha purchased a cycle
Minisha started riding cycle
Minisha's height increased
Minisha lamba


William making fruit shake
William took pears
William put them in glass
William shakespeare

Mika went to studio
Mika went to recording room
Mika took the mike
Mika singh

Power Of Wife WhatsApp Jokes

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Power Of Wife 

Hubby :- Ye kyaa tum ek aur dress le aayi ? Abhi parso hee to...

Wife chilla kar boli :-

Kyaa parso ?
Bolo......
Bolo kyaa kahaa tum ne ?
Ruk kyon gaye ?
Kyaa parso,
Parso kyaa,
Bolo jaldi
Jaldi bolo naa,
Bataa-o kyaa parso ?

Hubby : Kuchh nahi, main bus yeh keh rahaa thaa ki parso bhi ek hee dress laayi thi pagli, aaj to do le aati.......


------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

🏄A Man Lost his Wife In Tsunami.........
One Drunk-Night .....while standing on the Seashore, waves touching on his feet....
he shouted to the Sea: 'No matter how many times your Waves Touch my Feet...... .
I'll Never take her back..... !! ......
Its your mistake..
DEAL WITH IT NOW.. 😉😉


Whatsupp jokes page 4

🍏🍋🍋🍒🍇

""Why all Females at GOKUL Dham Society of Taraak Mehta always
remain HAPPY ?

Because puri colony me ek bhi
"SAAS" nahi hey.
😀





Santa's e-banking password was:

"ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-kejriwal"

Banta: Yaar! Itna lamba password?

Santa: Kya karoon. Bank wale kehte hai ki password main 5 character aur 1 capital hona chahie....

Banta: wo sab thik hai, par Kejri uncle kyun ??

Santa: Ek special character bhi zaroori hai....
😅😅

The most Heart Breaking moment in our childhood...
Ghar aaye MEHMAAN jab khushi se hame 100 Rs de,
Aur achanak piche se ek aawaaz aaye
"Na na.. Aatla badha na hoy."

Best answer ever
"Wife ask - why in all marriages girl sits on left side and boy on right side?


"Husband reply - According to profit and loss statement a/c all income is on right side and expenses are in left side".....

Happy March Ending..


Girl at a stationary

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------


Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio?
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho??😂😂😂😂



------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Ek jungle me sab jaanwar ga rahe the, PAAN PARAAG PAAN MASALA- PAAN

PARAG!
Par Giraffe nahi ga raha tha!
KYUN?

?
?

Kyuki,
UNCHE LOG! UNCHI PASAND
MANIKCHAND

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

Why don!t ppl clap in Afghanistan?

?
?
?

Because there's the tali-ban!




If u touch 2014 calender u will get a Shock
.
.
do u know y?
.
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.
.
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.
Bcoz
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.
2014 is "CURRENT" year..

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------

This PJ might blow ur senses away:

What do u call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day ?
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Jaswanti
(just 1 tea)...

------------ Best WhatsApp Jokes----------
👆Hum Roz Message Q Bhejte Hai?
Masti? NO

Timepass? NO

Hum Message Bhejte Hai
Taki Apki Reading Capacity Strong Ho.
Padhega INDIA,
Tabhi To Badhega INDIA.......!:😇😂

Some More  jokes:-

Thursday 10 April 2014

unny Leone

Sunny Leone ka pura info
Born Name : Karenjit Kaur Vohra, Nick NameSunny Leone,
Karen
Age : Sunny Leone was born on May 13, 1981Sun

Sign Taurus,Born PlaceSarnia, Ontario, Canada

Nationality : Canadian / American Education Leone completed her schooling in 1999 from a Catholic school and enrolled herself in a college afterwards. She studied pediatrics there.

Occupation
Former p*rnographic actress, Bollywood actress, businesswoman Build Voluptuous

Height5 ft 4 in or 163 cm Weight54 kg or 119 pounds

Boyfriends / Girlfriends
She had relationships with -
*.Monique Alexander*.
Daniel Weber – Married in 2011*.
Avena Lee (2005)*.
Jezebelle Bond (2005)*.
Lexi Marie (2005)*.
Lacie Heart (2006)*.
Daisy Marie (2006)*.
Lux Kassidy (2006)*.
Brea Lynn (2007)*.Courtney Simpson(2007)*.Criss Angel (2008)

Ethnicity Indian
Hair Color Black
Eye Color Light Brown

Distinctive Features*. Huge breasts*. Sexy body*.Beautiful face

Measurements : 36-24-34 in or 91.5-61-86.5 cm

Bra Size : 34DD
Shoe Size : 7½

Brand Endorsements
As a p*rn star, she was endorsed by one of the c*nd0m company. Now, she has been endorsed by an Indian mobile company called Chaze Mobiles in 2012. She has also endorsed In besharam.com’s Besharam brand. Sunny Leone promoting Chaze Mobiles Religion Sikh

Best Known For Working in the p*rnindustry.

First Bollywood Film2012 erotic thriller film Jism 2, which is a sequel of 2003 film Jism. She did the role as Izna.

First Indian TV Show
She appeared in the 5th season of Indian reality TV series Bigg Boss in 2011.

Personal Trainer
Ekta Kapoor has hired  4 trainers for Leone to make her perfect in acting and fitness. She did so for her upcoming movie Ragini MMS 2.Sunny Leone Facts

1.She was named Penthouse magazine’s Pet of the year in 2003.

2.As a p*rnographic actress, Leone had worked for Vivid Entertainment in the past.

3.According to Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD), she has directed 42 adult films and starred in 41films.

4.Her father was born in Tibet, but was raised in Delhi, India. While her mother is from Sirmaur, Himachal Pradesh, India.

5.During her school time, when she was 11, she had her firstkiss.

6.When she was 13, her family relocated to Michigan, USA. A year later, her family then shifted to California.

7.She lost her virginity to a basketball player at the age of 16.

8.At the age of18, she discovered her bisexuality.

9.She has been athleticsince her childhood and used to play street hickey with boys and also did ice-skating.

10.Before choosing her career as a p*rn star, she had initially worked for German bakery, a Jiffy Lube (achain which offers oil changes and related automotiveservices), and tax and retirement firm.

11.During college, Leone’s classmate (who was an exotic dancer) introduced her to an agent who in turn introduced Leone to  penthouse photographer.

12.Sunny is her real name and Leone was kept by Bob Guccione, aformer Penthouse magazine owner.

13.She has appeared in Indian reality show Bigg Boss 5, by entering the house at 49 in 2011.

14.Sunny Leone’s mother died in 2008 and her father died in 2010 due to cancer.

15.Her favorite actor is Salman Khan.

16.sunnyleone.comis her official website.

***....kabhi school me itne dhyanse ek chapter bhi pura padha tha kya??????

Wednesday 9 April 2014

Husband' s loyalty test

Loyalty Tests...

Test 1:
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby..🔻

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people

Total silence...

Test 2:
A couple sees a hot girl.. 
Wife: So big, aren't they? 
Husband: Yes 
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural. 😎😎
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural?? 😕😕
.
Total Silence 😐😐😐
.

Best one
Test 3:
Men will always be Men -
Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" and rest of them said- "WHERE WHERE!" 😆😆😆... 😅

Abki baar Modi Sarkaar part 2

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---


एक लङका एक लङकी को प्रपोज
करना चाहता था.... लेकिन कुछ
अलग तरीके से.... गुलाब देकर नहीं
तो वो पास के तालाब के पास
गया.... एक कमल का फूल
उठाया... और जाकर लङकी के घर
के घर का दरवाजा खटखटाया...
और हाथ में कमल का फूल लेकर
घुटनों के बल बैठ गया
लेकिन
दरवाजा लङकी की मम्मी ने
खोला... और चौंक कर
पूछा क्या कर रहे हो???
लङका बोला
"आंटी इस बार प्लीज कमल
को वोट दीजियेगा
अबकी बार मोदी सरकार"

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---




-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---

सभी ग्रुप मेंबर्स से मेरा निवेदन है कि...इस ग्रुप की पवित्रता बनाये रखे....इसे राजनितिक अखाड़ा ना बनाये...
हमको राजनिति की बात नही करनी चाहिए...मोदी,राहुल, केजरीवाल की लड़ाई में हमको नहीं पड़ना चाहिए....
मतदान अपने विवेक से करें..

-धन्यवाद

और एक बात ....



अब की बार,
मोदी सरकार।।
 
-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---


लडके ने लड़की से कहा,
मै तुमसे कुछ कहना चाहता हूँ ,
लड़की ने कहो। .... तो फिर कहोना !!!!
लड़के ने कहा सिर्फ तिन शब्द ही है ,
बस मेरी जान अटकी हुई है .......
लड़की ने शरमाते हुए कहा, अब तो बस कहे भी दो !
लड़का--> " अबकीबार मोदी सरकार"

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---

Baap of all msgs till date...

Sonia ne manmohan se kaha
"ab to apna maun vrat tod do son of sardaar"......
To manmohanji bhi bol pade
"Abki baar Modi sarkar  "

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---

NASA gets proof of Extraterrestrial intelligence...

Alien civilization much advanced and intelligent than ours exists in galaxy near Orion 311...

Radio messages received from them in binary on 7th April 2014,

Which were

1000001111000111#1100011

After decryption at NASA by the worlds topmost and intelligent scientists, the original message was received, which is as under:


AABKI BAR
MODI SARKAR...

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---


Bahot ho gai kulfi yaar....







Ab ki baar....






Chokobar....

Dar vakhte modi na hoy

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---

Very confusing line said by kejriwal to modi


Ab ki baar Aap ki Sarkar

-------Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar---

WhatSapp Jokes page 1

------Best WhatsApp jokes-----

Master--Kal School Kyon Nhi Aye.?

Boy--GirlFriend Se Milne Gya Tha.

Master--Kis Liye?

Boy--Yes Sir.

Master--Mene Puchha Kis Liye.?

Boy--Liye Sir Bahut liye..
------Best WhatsApp jokes-----

------Best WhatsApp jokes-----
1 train 🚈 me Katrina without ticket
travel kar rahi thi..
Usne saree pehni thi.. T.C. Ne
usse 100 rs fine liye..
Aishwarya ne jeans👖 pehni thi, usse
75 rs fine liye..
Karina ne skirt pehni thi, usse 50
rs fine liye..
Par Sunny Leone se kuchh nai liya..
Why.. ??
Q ki.....
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
Uske pas ticket tha.
Tharkiyon....

Soch badlo desh badlega...
Khali Modi kya kya badalega...

------Best WhatsApp jokes-----

Pass it if u r in a Group Chat-              GAF ( Group Award Function -2014) 

Rules- Only admin will decide


1) Strongest person of group -___________

2)Coolest person of group-_________

3)Best DP of group-__________

4)Most active person of group-__________

5)Most inactive person of group-__________

6) Most decent person in group-___________

7)Most funny person in group-____________

8)Hero of group-_________

9) Heroine of group -___________

10) Villain of d group 👺👹-____________


Admin saheb..!!! Reply

------Best WhatsApp jokes-----
Two minute silence for
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ROYAL CHALLENGER BANGLORE who bought Yuvraj Singh for 14CR..

Please forward this to all who you care for...! !

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A serious warning to all my friends. Drinking & driving is extremely dangerous. Yesterday evening while driving, my friend took his arm out of the window to indicate that he is turning right & someone took his beer.!!!!
Rascal





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