INSTALLING HUSBAND AND UPDATING IT

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I Upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a Distinct Slowdown in the overall System Performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery Applications, which Operated Flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 Uninstalled another Valuable Program, Romance 9.5 and then Installed undesirable Programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1

What can I do ?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter Command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to Download Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the Applications Jewellery 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, Overuse of the above Application can cause Husband 1.0 to Default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original Package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new Virus Girlfriend 2.5 automatically be Downloaded into your System.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to Re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are Unsupported Applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Hot Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

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

SAGAAI K BAAD AUR SHAADI K BAAD-jokes

(SAGAAI K BAAD)

Boy: THANK GOD! Is din ka to me kabse intejar kar rha tha.
Girl: To me jau?
B: Nahi bilkul nahi.
G: Do u luv me?
B: Ha. Karta tha, karta hu aur karta rahunga.
G: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
B: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau.
G: Kya mujhe pyar karoge?
B: Yes, why not..
G: Tum muje maroge?
B: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu.
G: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?
B: yes.
G: Oh darling!

(AUR SHAADI K BAAD)
ab msg NICHE SE UPAR PADHO

🙊🙊

Ek garib ladke ko chirag mila.

Usne Uthaya aur Ragad Diya.

Zordar Dhamaka Hua.

Khud Mar Gaya, Aas Pas ke 40 bhi gaye.

"Alladin ka Zamana gaya salo.

Lawaris chezo se door raho "kuch cheezein aladdin ki nahi Mujahideen
ki hoti hain

Sanskrit teacher askd :
what is the meaning of
'tamso maa jyotirgamaya.'

Santa said :
'tu so ja maa,
main jyoti ke ghar ja raha hoon' 

Dear
Bill Gates,

It doesn't matter whether you make an Indian, Satya Nadella, the CEO
of Microsoft, we are still going to use pirated.Windows only.
Thank you,

Some More  jokes:-

Best Alok Nath jokes    Best C.I.D. returns Jokes    Rajinikanth 99 KILLING JOKES Best Kejriwal jokes  Jethalal JOKES     Husband wife awesome jokes  Winners at 59th Idea Filmfare Awards 2013      Girl Friend boy Friend Awesome jokes    Hi-tech salespeople DictionarY   Student Teacher ever best jokes   FriendShip SMS and Quotes

Hansa Praful jokes     Puzzle Messages     Life SMS    WhatsApp Status messages  Sweat Msg on MAA    Seminar of wifes   jokes on Husbands

What's Marriage?(jokes)   Smart kids jokes(god is missing)

Amazing mathematics of life    TV Anchor joke    Best suspense jokes jokes-on-husbands

Girl Friend boy Friend Awesome jokes.

Girlfriend:You Know My Mom Likes You A Lot.
Boyfriend:Whatever Sweetheart,Don't Worry I Will Marry With You Only.

Mammy:Beti Kaha Gai Thi?
Beti:Mamma Mere Classmate Nitin Se Milne.
Mammy:Kis Liye?
Beti:Aap Bhi Na Mamma,main Kaise Leti Mujhe Saram Aati Hai.

First Friend:Why Are Girls Are So Much Beautiful And Pretty?
Second Friend:So We Can Fall In Love With Them.
First Friend:Then Why They Don't Have Intelligence?
Second Friend:It's Because They Can Fall In Love With Us.

A Girl To Her Friend: I Know Two Guys And I Like Both,Tell Me Who Will Be The Lucky Guy?
Friend:Whoever You Get Married,other Guy Will Be Lucky.

Laila ne majnu ko ek ped  ke piche dekha aur boli
Laila:Tum Majnu ho na?
Majnu: Haan..
Phir kuchch der baad usne usko jhadiyo  ke piche dekha aur boli
Tum majnu ho na?
Majnu: Haan main majnu hoon..
Phir kuch der baad usne usko Diwar ke piche dekha aur kaha
Laila:Tum majnu ho na?

Majnu:Haan Haan  main Majnu hi hoon, tu mujhe susu karne degi ya nahi?

Boy - I Love u.

Gal : Are you mad.

I m Married. I have a Husband.....

I have a Boy friend in my office and my ex boy friend is still my neighbour....

My boss proposed me yesterday and i cant say NO to him.... & I have

one Serious Extra Marital Affair.....

Boy (after a longggggggg pause)- "Dekh na please, kidhar to adjust karle??

Two girlzz were playing chess

 (joke doesn't end here).

 .

 .

 .

 girl 1-

 Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak rahe hai.

 .

 girl 2:

 Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi

 bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.

 .

 The joke doesn't end here either:O

 .

 .

 .

 Phir waha ek ladka aata hai.

 .

 Boy:

 Chalo girlzz, chess khelate hai.

 both girlzz:

 Nahi, tum to hume aasanise hara doge.

 .

 .

 .

 Boy:

 Chalo yaar. Tum dono aur mai akela.

 .

 both girl:Phir bhi hum haar jayenge

 .

 Boy :Okay, mai left hand se khelunga.

 .

 .

 .

 both girlzz:

 Haan. yupee Phir thik hai.:DD

 The joke still doesn't end.

 .

 .

 .

 Dono obviously haar jate hai aur ladka whan se

 chala jata hai.

 girl 1:

 Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar. Left

 hand se bhi hara diya usne.

 girll 2 (thoda sochne k baad ):

 Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume.

 .

 .

 .

 .

 girl1:

 Kaise?

 girl 2:

 Saala lefty hi hoga.....

After bus accident one man was crying: mere hath kat gya...

Girl: Abe chup baith, vo dekh uska gala kat gaya..fir bhi chup chap pada he...

Some More  jokes:-
Best Alok Nath jokes    Best C.I.D. returns Jokes    Rajinikanth 99 KILLING JOKES Best Kejriwal jokes  Jethalal JOKES     Husband wife awesome jokes  Winners at 59th Idea Filmfare Awards 2013      Girl Friend boy Friend Awesome jokes    Hi-tech salespeople DictionarY   Student Teacher ever best jokes   FriendShip SMS and Quotes
Hansa Praful jokes     Puzzle Messages     Life SMS    WhatsApp Status messages  Sweat Msg on MAA    Seminar of wifes   jokes on Husbands
What's Marriage?(jokes)   Smart kids jokes(god is missing)
Amazing mathematics of life    TV Anchor joke    Best suspense jokes jokes-on-husbands

Puzzle Messages and jokes.

k
k

LOOK 30 SEC ON X MARK INT THE EYE OF SKULL AND THEN LOOK AT THE WALL OF SHEET OF PAPER

COMMENT IF YOU FINDS A SKULL AND ALSO CHECK BY INCREASING DISTANCE



This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.. Just Check It Out!

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard;
      man
1. ------------
     board


Ans. =man overboard

Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

      stand
2. ------------
        i


Ans. = I understand

OK . .Got the drift ?Let's try a few now and see how you fare ?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/


Ans. = reading between the lines

      R
4. Road
      A
      D



Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?Redeem yourself.

5. cyclecyclecycle

Ans. = tricycle
Easy to figure out, ha!


          0
6._________
    M.D.Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !


      knee
7. ------------
      light




Ans. = neon light ( knee - on - light )

I'm sure you'll have no problem getting this one.

    ground
8. ----- ----------
feet feet feet feet feet feet




Ans. = six feet underground

Good One, try this!!

9. he's / himself




Ans. = he's by himself

Here's an easy one!!

10. ecnalg




Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ?!!?

11. death ..... life




Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance .

12. THINK





Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is very funny- - -


13. Ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb..

.

Long time no C

What is black when you buy it,

Red when you are using it,

And grey when you throw it away?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Answer is : Charcoal

?A? ki Biwi ?B?,

?B? ki Bhabhi ?C?,

?C? ki beti ?V?,

?V? ka dada ?G?

?G? ki biwi ?K?,

?K? ki beti ?T?,

To batao ?A? or ?T? ka kya rishta ha ???

Answer= Husband nd Wife

Birthday Problem

1 aadami apani har birthday pe ek rupiya jama karata hai jab wo 60vi birthday pe khzana todata hai to us mai 15rupaye hoty hain..Q??

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

His birthday comes on 29 Feb.

Life SMS

hhh
Zindagi Main Kuch Khona Pade To Yeh Do Lines Yaad
Rakhna.....!!!!!
"Jo Khoya Hai Us Ka Ghum Nahi!
"Lekin Jo Paaya Hai Wo Kisi Sey Kam Nahi!
Jo Nahi Hai Wo Ek Khawab Hai
Aur
Jo Hai Wo Lajwab Hai........

Ek hi Zamaane k 2 mash-hoor Shaayro ka apna apna Andaaz dekhiye dosto....
Pehle Mirzaa Gaalib:
"Udne de in Parindo ko Azaad fiza main 'Galib'......Jo tere Apne
hongeh wo laut aayenge kisi Roz...!!!"
Shaayar Iqbal reply to Galib~~~
"Na Rakh Umeed-E-Wafa kisi Parinde se 'Iqbal'....
Jab par nikal aatey hain..., to Apne bhi Aashyana bhool jate hai....!!!"

A GOLDEN QUOTE BY RATAN TATA-
I dont believe in taking right decisions..
I take decisions & then make them right.
So always believe in ur ability & efforts..

Never try or beg for support from others..
Stand alone & face d life as a race..
Then everyone will follow u..

Cute, Life quotes, Saying-
Not all fingers r same in length..
But wen they r bend, all stands equal..
Life becomes easy wen we bend & adjust to situation

No one has ever won a game of chess by moving forward alone..
Sometimes u have to move backward to get a better step forward..

Smile increases value of face,
Anger spoils beauty of soul,
Faith is force of life,
Confidence is companion of success,
So keep smiling.

Time is like river..
You can’t touch the same water twice,because the flow that has passed will never pass again..
Enjoy every moment of life..

The best cosmetics in life:
TRUTH: for lips
SYMPATHY: for eyes
PRAYER: Voice
CHARITY: for hands
SMILE: for face &
LOVE: for heart

Somewhere I Heard..
Life is Beautiful..
But Very Soon I Released..
Lots of
Conditions Apply..!!



Someone asked A PHILOSOPHER that..
Who you want to be with for your entire life?
He simply said:
Someone who can understand that I am not perfect.

Life is so confusing..
What we want we dont get..
What we get we r not satisfied..
What we expect never happens and
What we hate generally repeats.
Thats life.

If u wait for happy moments,
u will wait forever.
But if u start believing that u r happy,
u will b happy forever.

Thats life.

Seminar of wifes

Shaadi-shuda Aurto ka seminar chal raha tha.

Unse puchha gaya,

Aapne apne Husband

 ko

‘I Love You’

last kab bola hai?

 Kisi ne kaha aaj,
 kisi ne kaha 2 din pehle
 Aur
 Kisi ne kaha 10 din pehle.

 Fir unse kaha gaya k sab Patniya apne pati ko Mobile se
‘I Love You’ Message karo abhi,
 Jiska sabse accha reply aayega usay
 Surprise Gift
 Milega…

Sab wives ne ‘I Love You’ msg kar diya aur
 .
 Kuchh der baad Husbands k Reply kuchh iss tarah aaye…

1) Darling, tumhari tabiyat to theek hai na?

 2) Ghar kharcha khatam ho gaya hai kya ???

 3) Kahin tum Maiyke to nahin chali gayi ???

 4) Aaj ghar pe khana nahin bana hai kya ???

 5) Kya Matlab ???


 6) Tum Sapne mein ho ya main sapna dekh raha hoon?

 7) Kity party mein kisi ki Jewellery pasand aa gayi hai kya???

 8) Office mein itna tension hai aur tujhe Romance sujh raha hai ???

 9) Kitni baar mana kiya Serial mat dekha kar..!!

 10) Aaj fir gaadi thok-ke aayi kya????

 Finally jisko Surprise Gift
 Mila uska khatarnak reply ye tha....
 .
 . . .
 11) Kaun ???

At Niagara falls..!!
Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara Falls..
These are the world's largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the
waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be
heard. Now I request the indian ladies to keep quiet so that we can
hear the Niagara Falls...!!
                                   Home

jokes on Husbands

Wife : jaanu, kaash aap msg hote,
main aapko save karti, jab chahe padhti.
husband : kanjoos hee rahiyo,
Save hi karke rakhiyo, apni kisi saheli ko forward na kariyo 


Husband : Kaash main Ganpati hota. Tum roz meri pooja karti, mujhe
laddu khilati, bada mazaa aata.
Wife : Haan, kaash tum Ganpati hote. roz tumko laddu khilati, har saal
visarjan karti, naye Ganpati aate, bada maza aata 


Husbands !!
Husbands !!
Husbands !!
If U advise them, they think U r dominating;
If U don't, U r not doing anything!
If they call,they r missing U;
If U call,U r disturbing them!
If they ask U anything,its their right;
If U ask them,U r interfering!
If they care,they luv U;
If U care,U r possessive
So difficult....hats off to all great wives!!!!!
Enough of jokes on ladies. Now its time for some male bashing
(For a change).

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up 


Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit
the ground first? 
A: Who cares??? Just throw them

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!  
 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: Dont know, havnt  seen either 



Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention
of driving 

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? 
A: Exchange him!! 

🍒

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract! 

 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Pass this on to women who need a laugh and to men who can handle it !

Husband calls his wife in the evening n asks....
Husband: Aaj khaane mein kya pakaya hai?
Wife : Fine long grain white rice hand-picked in the emerald green lap
of the Vindhyas and tender golden lentils that was gently simmered
over the smouldering kisses of angels.served with dollops of fragrant
clarified butter
Husband : WOW...SOUNDS YUMMY??
WHAT IS IT CALLED?
Wife : Khichdi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Train me ek Husband apni beautiful wife se jhagda krte huye ..

Tujhse Shaadi karke pachta raha hu , Dil karta hai tujhe kutto ke aage
daal du ..

Saamne wala passenger ..


Bhow , Bhow Bhow , Bhow ..


                                   Home

What's Marriage?(jokes)

Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans
That Destroys All The Six Senses
And Makes The Person NON Sense..!

😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.

Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.
Husband: Exactly darling!  its a computer, not a Husband..!!



'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
-Shakespear
"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life."
-Shakespear's Wife

Arz kiya hai..
Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge,
wah wah wah
Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..
Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!!

Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni
Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu
Awesome reply :
Husband : Are pagli,,
Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.. !!!

😜😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ?

Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ?

Wife: Can u fix the door handle ?

Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter?

In the evening, when husband came from work,

he saw everything has been fixed.

Husband: Who did all this ?

Wife: Our neighbour.

But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.

Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger.

Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ?!!